Complicated Friendships

Sometimes we have complicated friendships whereby there is a love-hate feeling in you about the person.  You hate him/her because of certain issues in his/her behavior.  You love him/her because there is still something good in him/her.

So, what do you do with this kind of friendship?  You can’t let it go nor can you keep it.  Because the hatred will come to a climax where you can’t stand her/his behavior anymore and the love cannot prevail because of that undesirable behavior.

We can do so much to forget the flaws of our friends because we know that we are fallible too.  But more often than not, the flaws become too unbearable and they sicken us to the bone.  The next best thing that we could do is just to try to continue being nice and hope that person will change his/her ways.

We have to realize one thing is that just like we cannot tolerate certain behavior of a person, there will always be somebody else who cannot tolerate our certain behavior.  Why?  Because humans are not brought up the same way.  We all come from different moulds, even if we are the same race, we don’t come from the same background. Even siblings don’t share the same likes and dislikes.

So what we can do is be moderate in our life.  Be moderate in our love for another person – not to love him/her too much nor hate him/her too much.  Because one day that person whom you love too much can become your biggest and fiercest rival and enemy and maybe that person whom you loathed so much will be the only person who can help you.

Whatever it is, keep your friendships.  Don’t break any ties.  People change.  So do you.  Maybe one day that intolerable behavior will dissipate.  Or your tolerance level goes down.  We can never know.  Keep your friendships alive.  Spread harmony and love all around. Because who knows, one day you might need somebody to help you face life’s complicated problems.  And that somebody could be the very person whom you hate so much.

Keep that friendship and don’t break any ties.

Does it make sense?  If you have any thoughts on how to handle complicated friendships, please feel free to comment.




6 thoughts on “Complicated Friendships”

  1. Great post, you actually stated it all. We start to hate gradually until we don’t want to see the person in sight anymore, we should love moderately so that we don’t get disappointed, considering the fact that we are human and tend to fail sometimes. Friendship should also be worked on as it can’t be all rosy at all times.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think if your relationship with a person comes to a point where you feel you can bear it no longer, you should leave. Even if they end up changing and becoming a person who’s a 100x better than before, so what? Are we supposed to regret that we left them? No! Why should we? We left when we had to, and even though now they seem so much more desirable because their qualities have improved, there is no excuse for us to wish we hadn’t left or for us to go back to them. Let someone else benefit their goodness. If the person asks you to forgive them now, sure, forgive them. And if they ask you to have a friendship with them again, sure (I believe you should). But there is no reason to regret. There is no reason to stay with someone because “One day they MAY change”. What if staying ruins you? What if it corrupts you? What if it buries you in hole you can never get out of? Like I said, there is no reason for you to regret, and, likewise, there is no reasob for the person to have ill-feeling toward you because you left. They should have the blood to realise why on Earth you left, and I think that’s the first step for them to change. If they can recognise their error and admit it was their fault that you left, then maybe they’d choose to become better, and stay that way.

    I do know that we are not perfect ourselves. But even though the two parties are flawed, usually, there is a better person in the equation. The lesser evil. And if you really, truly believe that that person is you, and if you truly can not take it any longer being in the other person’s life, then you have to make a decision, a choice, to leave or not. The important thing is to stick to your resolution and never regret it. Do not undermine your ability to make decisions by regretting. (Of course this does not apply to every situation in life. If you make a mistake, a certain level of regret is acceptable, even necessary.)
    Anyway, this article is beautifully written and very helpful. Thank you for your sharing your insights.


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